The Gifted Lover Question:
I am in a new relationship with a sexually open and experienced woman – it is amazing to be with her. But I must admit I feel a certain pressure to be with her in the way she wants and deserves. The occasional failure of my erection doesn’t seem to faze her, but they do worry me a bit. Do you have any pointers for me?
Karen Nimmo interviews Mary Hodson, our regional director and specialist in emotional and sexual intimacy.
Karen Nimmo, a clinical psychologist of Karen on the Couch fame, When your partner wants way more sex than you do May 24 2023
Research suggests around 80% of couples experience discrepancies in sexual desire, with men typically reporting higher levels than women. However, this a generalisation; there’s a lot of variation not just between male and female partners, but in all sorts of couple configurations.
Casanova, the Italian adventurer was so famous as a womanizer that his name remains synonymous with the art of seduction.
What were the secrets of the world’s greatest lover? Can we make use of them today?
While he lived in a time of open sexual attitudes, he was “never predatory”. He also believed that verbal communication is essential—and that “words of love must be implied, not boldly proclaimed.”
Valentines Day is the annual opportunity it seems to openly declare our feelings of romantic love. Businesses make the most of this opportunity “2 for the price of 1! Aphrodisiac Cocktails: Feb 14” the local cafe/bar advertises blatantly and we notice! But being encouraged (or pressured) to celebrate this day of love offers a mixed message – why just on this day, why not any and every day? After all being in love is one of life’s most intense pleasures !
Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex – we are invited constantly in our society to pay attention to or get directly involved in sex. There are numerous social messages in our advertising, our magazine articles, our TV/movie screens and in our social media encouraging us and instructing us on the optimum performance or experience. If only those messages were all sex positive but as with most things in life there is a variety of messages presented to us which can confuse us, pressure us or sit at odds with our own values which can trouble us even further.
Is that even possible in this current world of online presence some may ask? Instagram and Facebook flash constantly with photo after photo. People around us, young to old and all in between taking THE selfie to post. How does this impact our feelings about our body?. Do we fit in? Are we good enough?, what do I need to have, show, cover? Concerns and confusions can emerge or challenge our past learnings.